It’s Time for Roller Derby!


Arizona Roller Derby has a new fan in The ScubaJedi. The amateur league is called Arizona Derby Dames and the championships were held at the Castle Sports Club in Phoenix on Saturday night, October 11. It was a flat track bout for who would become the reigning Roller Derby champs, the defenders, The Brutal Beauties, or the challengers, The Runaway Brides.

We arrived to wait in line outside the popular event. There was no shortage on multi-pierced, tattooed, spiked hair fans, and I have never seen so many ripped up fishnet stockings and striped socks in my life. I felt like an old square nerd in my University of Notre Dame sweatshirt. The deep blue sea is where the Scuba Jedi reigns supreme in slick black neoprene bodysuits with an air cylinder strapped on. But it was definitely the roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the crowd all about that evening.

Back in the olden days of the 1970’s Roller Derby was popular as a professional full contact sport. The players would wear uniforms and roll on a sloped track with railings where they would get slung over and go flying into the audience at times. Saturday night was amateur flat track and Willy, Yapper and I decided we would sit on the floor right on the track. We were risking getting wiped out but that was the chance we took to be in on the action. The players sported their own expressions of uniforms, wearing the team colors but with costumes as unique as their names, such as Sharon Fists (pictured bleow), Vanessa Velocity, and Phyllis Killer.
It took me a while and reading the program to figure out how to play once again. Not having watched Roller Derby in 30 years, I had forgotten how the game was played. What happens is there is a pack. They start at a given starting line on one of the long parts of the track. Two players from opposing teams are at the front of the pack and they are called the Pivots. Then they are followed by the blockers within the pack. At the rear are the Jammers. The Jammers are the players allowed to score and they score by getting though the pack once, catching up and going through the pack a second time scoring a point by passing an opponent. Getting through the pack is problematic as the other players, various Blockers and Pivots from opposing teams are trying to knock the Jammer down. Therefore helmets, knee, elbow and sometimes mouthguards are worn. The Pivots wear a cover on their helmet with a stripe and the Jammers wear a cover with a star.

The Brutal Beauties were in the lead all evening, wearing their signature hot pink and black colors. They were bigger and more brutal than the Brides, but the Brides came up in the second half leveraging their smaller statures for speed and strategy to overcome and win triumphant over the Beauties.

There was only one real fight causing a couple of spectators to be ejected form the venue, and I thought, how low do you get in life to be kicked out of the Roller Derby?

The evening ended with a raffle and we didn’t stay. Peter, who didn’t even know what a Roller Derby was being a simple farm boy from Cork, Ireland, stayed for the raffle as he had purchased a ticket. I know don’t if he won.

The season is over and we must wait until January to see if the Runaway Brides will defend their title as Arizona Roller Derby Dame Champions.

For more information on this exciting sport, go to:
http://www.azderbydames.com/

Until next time
The ScubaJedi

Lake Pleasant

Oh yes, another illustrious adventure in the local lakes. Betty and I set off on the Diver Down for a morning of two tank boat diving. We did our usual stop at Starbucks to get good and jacked up on caffeine before heading out. Betty drove and dropped me at the meeting point, then went to park the car elsewhere because we were under the impression that Lake Pleasant members only were allowed to park near the dock. I found out otherwise as I was chatting with the El Mar Scuba guys waiting for the boat. They had four student completing their open water certification, a couple of guys doing some free diving, and there was Betty and me just looking to log some dives. We weren’t expecting Bonaire conditions, and it was, after all, diving.

I am not sure what the name of the dive site was, but it wasn’t too bad. Okay, it was heinous. The visibility was pretty nasty and the water got cold at about 45ft. We ended up diving to about 30 ft on the first dive, and I was able to work on those underwater nav skills which are not too shabby if I must say so myself. I was desperately over weighted on that first dive and ended up taking it down to 8lbs for the second dive.

The second dive we went out to a farther buoy and had to cross a dark trench over the Mines of Moria. It got really dark and really cold, I looked at my console and saw that I was at about 59′. I looked around for Betty and she was motioning to go up a little further rather than stay at that depth. She was getting a little nervous at the low visibility and darkness. I personally wanted to keep descending and see how deep it got. But, I certainly am not the dive buddy from hell who makes their divebuddy do things out of their comfort zone and causes things like, um, death. So we went up a bit. I kept thinking I was going to hit a wall or something.

I don’t know if Lake Pleasant is the shittiest diving on the planet, but I am sure it’s pretty close.

Saguaro Lake Cleanup Dive


September 20, was international Project Aware Day for beach and water cleanup. As a scuba diver, I chose water cleanup. I went with N-Depth Scuba out of Chandler, AZ and rode the bus out to Saguaro Lake. It is reputed to be little more than a mudhole, but I was being overly optimistic in thinking it might be okay.

I didn’t have a dive buddy, I was out there pretty much on my own. I brought all my gear, wetsuit, fins, gloves (wasn’t taking any chances in picking up garbage) etc. N-Depth also arranged for a cookout as well. It turned out to be really fun in spite of the lake conditions. We had to sign in, set up our gear and in my case, search out a dive buddy. I met a nice man named Jim who had come out there on his own as well and we decided to be dive buddies. We grabbed a bag and went in. There was a sentinel at the entry point taking note of who went in to make sure that the same amount came back out of The Black Lagoon. I had some trouble getting my fins on, then trouble with a foggy mask. It was suggested that since I was in the water that I use spit. I have heard that spit works really well to defog a mask, but it has to be your own brand. So I tried it and it really worked despite grossing me out.

At first things were mostly okay, we were cruising along and picking up cans, bottles, plastic cups etc. The bottom is so silty that whenever you picked something up it was like a pyroclastic blast from a volcano and it caused visibility to be even worse than it already was. We came across two other divers and got separated. I couldn’t find Jim, so seeing as that I was only 15 feet down, I ascended and waited at the surface. Jim eventually came up and we re-grouped and went back down. I had taken a compass reading and was trying to head parallel to shore and go over to the pier. I guess I need an underwater nav class because we ended up out at the far buoy. We got down about 26 feet and it was cold and very dark. We came across a dead sunken tree and got all caught up in it. It was then that we decided it was time to go back. I tried to get turned around but it was really difficult to see anything at that point becasue we had kicked up all that silt. As we were only 26 feet down, we decided to go up and surface swim back.

We turned in our garbage, which included the seat from a boat, and got ready to eat lunch which was being prepared. There were about 60 divers and we collected quite a bit of trash. After lunch there were some drawings for some free stuff. I scored a new regulator bag. I was stoked as I really wanted a new one.

When I got home I felt the tremendous need to disinfect myself and all my gear. I brought my BC into the shower and was going to shampoo it, but I ended up just rinsing it.

That was not lake diving at it’s finest. But we were there to provide a service and do our part in keeping our lakes fairly clean. That is until the drunken redneck jackass boaters who don’t know what a dive flag means hit the lakes again to toss their garbage overboard. No, I’m not judgmental at all…..

The ScubaJedi

To see the complete picture album, click here!

San Carlos, Mexico


Once again driving all by my lonesome to San Carlos Mexico. I don’t mind it so much as I like to listen to books on audio and I never expect any trouble at the border. This time I was pulled over to the side for inspection. The border agents with their guns were leering at me and speaking to me in Spanish. I was told that this is not the time to practice Spanish, so when they spoke to me I smiled a big stupid American smile and shook my head. They asked me to pop the trunk and I did, hoping they weren’t going to go through all my SCUBA gear. I especially did not want them to confiscate my dive knife, which I would inform them was a dive tool. A knife would be a weapon, right?

They shut the trunk and waved me on. I was just one of a zillion Arizonans who head to San Carlos for SCUBA. Being a female traveling alone though, I thought, I got away pretty easy.

The rest of the drive was uneventful. Once you get past the border, it looks like Arizona with more stray dogs. Also, when you go through the “towns” there are speed bumps, and stationed at each speed bump are people selling things. The speed bumps slow you down just enough to buy $50 pesos worth of home made tortillas. Made with real lard, the good stuff. Of course you roll the dice and take your chances on the safety of the product, as we don’t really know where or how they are made. The food and safety inspectors are few and far between in Mexico so it would seem.

We got to the hotel, checked in and my roommate was already there. She was a young lady getting her open water certification that trip. As is the tradition with Scuba Specialties, the greatest dive shop in Arizona, we all go to dinner together after getting settled in.

The next morning we took off for the Island. the seas were choppy and donning my various layers of neoprene was challenging. the water was going to be cold so I was going to wear all my wetsuits at once. It helps.

The water was cold and murky, but it was diving. I was properly layered and only one wimp (Steven) wore a dry suit. I had on a 3mm hooded vest, a 3mm core warmer, and a 5mm full suit and gloves. I bobbed like a cork. It took 26 pounds to sink then I was overweighted. In tropical waters I use 10 pounds. I decided to dive head first to get down.

I hate to dive in head first, as my ears explode. I like to descend slowly feet first and clear my screetching ears properly. When I go head first I always forget as I am too intent on getting to the bottom my ears start hurting before I clear. Very bad.

I was the more experienced between my dive buddy and me and therefore elected to navigate. That was a challenge and it came to my attention that I really need more practice.

That first day we went to San Pedro Nolasco to the front (east) side of the island. There were no sea lions to be found, but the water wasn’t too cold. There were a number of large jellyfish floating around but I was assured they aren’t the stinging kind. I didn’t have to find out, I steered clear of them and they hang out at the surface anyway. You had to get really close to the bottom to see anything, and there was a lot to see. It wasn’t hard to get close to the bottom with 24 pounds of lead in my pockets either. I saw my first nudibranchs.

The second day we went around to the west side and there were a lot of playful sea lions. When I saw the first one I thought it was a shark as I only caught a glimpse of a large grey figure cruising by. Oh heck, let’s say it was a shark. Nice. There were more jellyfish and I avoided then as they are just plain icky.

There were a few Divemaster Candidates on board and they were doing skills in the water, as were the open water students. I think me and my dive buddy were the only fun divers there for no particular reason. We dove with divemaster Buck on the very last dive and he took us on a nice little tour. I was grateful that I didn’t have to monitor my compass and could just follow. It is tough stuff diving with that much crap, meaning layered like I was. I think next time in cooler water I am just going to stick it out with one wetsuit. I could hardly get back up on the boat with all that weight, and the immobility on the layers.

After getting back to the mainland, it was party time. No more dives, so more tequila. Steven, the dive instructor on the trip took us on a tour of his sailboat he has docked down there. There are a number of gringos that have real estate and/or keep boats there.

The next day was the long drive home. It went fast up until I got to the border. They always instruct us to take the commercial route to avoid going through Nogales. But on this day, there were about 8 hours worth of semi tractor-trailers lined up to go through. I was in no way going to wait that long. I weaved around to try and get to the head of the line but reached a point where there was no getting around the trucks. Before I would be boxed in and stranded, I turned around and headed back the way I came and decided to go through town. It was actually not that bad, I got to see the circus that is central Nogales, and got through the border crossing much faster. The border agent was incredulous that I was on my own. Apparently everyone but me thinks it’s dangerous to drive down there all alone.

until next time
The ScubaJedi
To view all the pictures from this adventure, click here!

There was a time before I was The ScubaJedi. Here is such an adventure. I am an avid hiker and adventurer as well and here is a true tale of adventure and escape from certain death:

Deliverance

According to the write-up on the Coronado National Forest website:

“Box Camp Trail provides some of the most dramatic views of any trail in the Santa Catalinas. It is also steep and rocky, and, as you might expect, the most rugged sections also offer the best views. Extending between the Catalina Highway in the vicinity of Spencer Campground and the East Fork Trail in the Sabino Basin, during summer most people hike from the top down. During the winter, use increases on the lower (warmer) end of the trail.”

We started hiking from the top, on a typical sunny/cloudy day in August. There were 10 of us total and as the trail moved through large ponderosa pines before dropping into the Sabino Basin below, we got somewhat spread out with faster hikers out front and more casual hikers going at a slower pace. But I am getting a little ahead of my story, and I like a story told well from start to finish, so that’s actually where I will begin.

I had wanted to lead what is categorized as an “A” level hike with Sierra Club. The hikes are rated from hardest being “A” to easiest being “D”. Box Camp Trail is a solid “A” hike with over 4000’ in elevation change and being over 9 miles long. The distance is debatable as I get a different number depending on who wrote the description. On August 19, 2006, the trail seemed to be over 100 miles long.

I never hiked this particular trail and didn’t want to officially lead a group of people through a trail described as being difficult with brittle rock littered with rubble. In some places the trail was reported as being hard to find. That turned out to be an understatement, but again, I am getting ahead of myself. I decided to do a pre-hike where I would get a few friends to come with me and check out the trail before offering it officially on the Sierra Club Events Calendar. I was only going to plan for three, maybe four people and to do the hike in a two-car shuttle, as recommended, because of the distance and elevation change. I spread the word in the hiking community and at one time had 20 people interested in going. The usual phenomenon that takes place is a large number of people will be enthusiastic about going and then the number will dwindle more toward the day of the event, and in this case it dwindled to 10 brave souls. That turned out to be a very good thing. I did not know what to expect on this trail, only what I read about in several trail descriptions from several sources.

We spilt up into three carloads to carpool from the Phoenix area. I drove my trusty Nissan, Dave W. drove his trusty Nissan, and Deb drove her trusty Nissan. Their Nissans were Xterras and mine a humble passenger car, the Altima. We drove to Tucson and re-grouped at the Sabino Canyon visitor’s center where another Dave, from Tucson, met us up. We got to the visitor’s center sometime after nine in the morning and told the ranger where we were planning to hike. He was very discouraging as in the past couple of weeks the wilderness area where we were going to hike had been hit with some torrential flooding and landslides. The lower half of the trail had been completely destroyed, we were told, and therefore closed off.

Never one to let much stop me, I asked for alternatives and as it turned out, there was an alternative trail that went left instead of right at one point and we could complete the trail ending at another parking area called Prison Camp, which was the site of a WWII Japanese internment center. The ranger made it sound like the alternative was a good trail however couldn’t give us much more information than that. I asked if there were trail markers and intersection signs that would point us in the right direction and he was pretty brusque in his answer that he just didn’t know. We were all experienced hikers and route finding ability a strong suit with us, which turned out to work in our favor. That and an accurate GPS.

We piled back into our respective vehicles and headed for the Prison Camp parking area.

We left my little Nissan at the Prison Camp parking area, which was mostly destroyed by the recent flooding. We could only park a little ways in and the ranger at the center had told us the drive went well back into the site area where there was a circular drive and we should park towards the back. Dave W, our Dave from Phoenix, was kind enough to purchase a topo map of the area which indicated that our alternative route would lead us to a dirt road leading to this parking area.

From here, we drove in the two Exterras to the trailhead at the top of the mountain. Everyone was in high spirits as it was lovely and cool out at the top and it was promising to be a beautiful day. The trail climbed a bit from the parking area and Deb and a few others, Steve, Mike, Kathy, Willy, and Dave from Tucson took off ahead. Nunya, Dave W, Bruce and I sort of moseyed along behind. Nunya likes to chronicle the hike in pictures and usually stays in back.

The trail in this area was easy to find and beautiful. There were tall ponderosa pines, ferns, wildflowers, and a babbling brook to accompany the babbling hikers. We encountered a couple riding mules on the trail and two other hikers with dogs who said they had come up from the bottom. I was silly enough to believe they meant the very bottom and therefore the trail was going to be a cakewalk. Stupid me.

There was a trail intersection with Box Springs Trail and when we consulted the topo map discovered we had only hiked about an inch and a half. We had a very long way to go and it was about noon by then. We moved on laughing and having a great time in the cool pines and taking in the beauty surrounding us. We broke out from the trees to a sunny rocky outcropping where Deb and the others were stretched out on the rocks having their lunch. We met up with them and sat down to eat as well. After a brief resting period and some laughs and group pictures we were on our way again. As usual, Deb and her faster hikers went on ahead and Nunya, the two Dave’s, Bruce and I were trailing behind. The trail started getting steep and rocky at this point and it did become challenging to find the actual trail. Between the absence of a defined trail and overgrowth in places, it got to be like a game to find the trail. Bruce suggested we start playing a trail game, which involved someone coming up with the title of a movie and whatever letter that movie titled ended in the next person had to come up with another movie title and so on. We played that for a while until trail finding became a real challenge. Notice that I use the word challenging where I really want to say pain in the ass.

We hiked down to a rushing drainage where we came upon Deb, Willy, Mike, Kathy, and Steve. They were as confused as we were about where the trail actually was. There was a beautiful waterfall suitable for a picture moment and a consult of the mostly useless map. I was becoming more concerned as the day was wearing on and we really didn’t have a clue where the blazes we were. We followed cairns down to an area where we were able to strip off the boots and wade into a little waterhole. That was refreshing and particularly for Willy, added some vigor to his step. Willy isn’t used to hot rough hikes in the wilderness. He is from New York City and is making a progressive transition into being a wilderness man. This hike was rough, and getting rougher. Dave from Tucson was also showing some wear at this point. As for myself, I was just starting to go into high whining mode due to mental exhaustion and my tendency to freak out in situations where I feel out of control, and I was starting to feel more and more out of control on this fine day.

We thought we were at the point where we needed to find the eastern trail that would lead us back to the Prison Camp car park. We decided at this point it might be a good idea if we all stuck together as none of us had a clue where the trail was at this point. Deb was excellent at finding the cairns and we were just going from cairn to cairn. Daylight was going to become a problem soon, or lack thereof. Also, water supplies were dwindling for everyone. Nunya and Deb had headlamps and Dave from Tucson had a little flashlight. Willy, in his infinite wisdom, had brought along a GPS and had marked where the Prison Camp car park was and that literally saved our lives. He was feeling more than a little exhausted and so I took over the GPS monitoring. It made me feel a little better to have control of that as I could see that we were indeed heading in the right direction, but the mileage was at nearly 4 and a half and daylight was dwindling fast. We ended up bushwhacking down to the basin where a fast moving river was. In looking it up later, this was the river we were to cross just before we hung a left to the East Fork trail which led to the Sycamore Reservoir Trail, which led to Shangri-La, also known as the Prison Camp car park. There were no trail indicators or anything to reassure us where we were. The scramble down the escarpment was an insidious, steep, and in my humble opinion dangerous trip to the river. But we had seen a definite trail on the other side of the river, the GPS was pointing to it and cross-country was the fastest way to get to the river at this point without taking the time to hunt for more cairns. Ordinarily, I would have been having the time of my life, as it was truly a beautiful area. The rapid running creek, large trees on the shorelines surrounded by dramatic mountains made for a majestic place in which to be. But it was on this scramble to the river where I pretty much lost it and started to weep. I thought all was lost, we were all going to die and it was my entire fault for organizing this little safari. I guess mental exhaustion, physical fatigue and the feeling of powerlessness overcame me and I just needed to release. The others were wonderful and assured me it was not my fault.

Dave W flushed out a large angry rattlesnake as we approached the river, so we had to navigate around it. That was the first of two rattlers we saw that evening. The river was gushing, but there were plenty of dry rocks to step on to get across. I was thinking that the forest service, in their infinite wisdom, should just come out there and stock it with crocodiles to make it even more of an “adventure” than it already was. We crossed and found a real trail and began to follow it. Steve decided that he would run ahead and hopefully get out before dark so at least one of us would live to tell the tellin’. We once again got spread out. Willy and Dave from Tucson were suffering pretty badly by now and Nunya, Dave W, and I hung back to make sure we were all okay. Bruce sort of hung out in between groups, and would stay at more treacherous parts of the trail to help us out when we came to things like, oh, major landslides that took out the trail in parts. The trail was climbing as Mr. Ranger at the Sabino Canyon Visitor’s Center had promised it would. Oh, what’s a little uphill for a bunch of seasoned hikers like us? After the trip down the Cliffs of Insanity I had very little uphill or downhill steep going in me. I was highly motivated to make time and get out before dark, but I began to accept the fact that that was not going to happen. We were going to be stuck out there in the dark; there was no getting around that. We climbed and climbed and scrambled over rockslides and at one point I fell on a slide area and saw my life flash before my very eyes. Mostly I could just see myself going ass over applecart down the rockslide only to land broken and near death 1000 feet below. Bruce was there and gave me a hand up. I tried remaining jovial about it and remarked that my butt created a shelf for the others to use to get across. Bruce was ever so kind to brush the dirt off my ass, and I told him he got that feel-up for free because I was too tired to slap him.
Everyone made it across that landslide and we crested the saddle. There was, by crackie, an actual trail sign at the junction. Deb’s group placed an arrow made from sticks on the sign to indicate their direction. I knew we needed to head for Sycamore Reservoir and it looked like we were on our way. The trail was still obvious and I was optimistic that we just had to walk easily out of there. Silly, nutty, naïve me.

The water situation became grave. I was completely out, as was Willy and Dave from Tucson. Bruce had a bit of water stocked up but he had filled some containers with river water just in case. I thought, what’s a little giardiasis when you’re thirsting to death? So at the next stream crossing I filled up. The water did not taste bad at all and I was confident that it was clean. The runoff was fairly fresh and the water was running. Mom always told me that running water was okay to drink. She also gave me ex-lax when I complained of a headache once when I was little. But, you had to know my mom. By now everyone had river water in his or her various water containers. The trail remained obvious and even though it went in and out of the creek many times, we always managed to find it. Then it got dark. Like, really dark. There was a glade of large trees and then the river bent around after that. I was steaming on ahead and by now walking in the water fully shoed with my non-waterproof boots because I could care less how wet my feet got. I had other problems.

We eventually stopped to make an assessment of our predicament. We could see we weren’t far from the road as we could see cars driving by. But while it was still light out we could see that it was a steep climb to get to that point. But how did one get to the road? I took the headlamp and went looked around for the trail that must be on the banks of the creek somewhere. In the meantime, Nunya decided to pitch camp. She had a fully stocked backpack on her as she was training for a trip in the Sierras next weekend. What a woman! When I got back, the tent was up and we built a fire. We decided we would just have to remain there till daylight. Dave from Tucson indicated that he just couldn’t go on. None of us had cell signals, so there was no calling for help. It wasn’t so grave, though, as none of us were injured or damaged in any way, there was plenty of water (thank you creek) and we had each other. Bruce volunteered to go look for the trail once again, if no results he would make for the road. We had no idea what good that would do, as we did not know which direction we should really be heading. The GPS wasn’t pointing to the road, but we thought at least we might be able to get some help. We took down our GPS coordinates, wrote them down on a scrap of paper and gave them to Bruce and wished him Godspeed. After he took off, we decided to entertain ourselves and see how many people we could get into a backpacker tent. So Nunya got in, followed by Dave W, then me, then Willy. The four of us spooned and got very snuggly and as comfortable as you could get. Dave from Tucson was lying down in the sand outside taking some much-needed rest. The four of us in the tent were giggling and getting comfy when Bruce returned announcing that he found the trail! There was a sign about a quarter of a mile back indicating that the parking area was 1 mile away!

So we packed up the camp and headed for the trail. Naturally, it was all uphill. Dave from Tucson would fall behind and we would wait for him calling out to make sure he was okay. He did really well trundling along in the dark. Bruce was up front with the headlamp and flushed out another rattlesnake. It was a little one and didn’t even rattle. It slithered into the underbrush and didn’t bother us, and we didn’t bother it. I was so tired I was ready to extend my hiking staff and flick the serpent into the brush just to get it out of the way.

Across the ravine and towards the road we began to see signal lights and were sure it was Deb and company. I thought they were in the parking area as the only car there was mine and I had the keys. So it was seriously damaging my calm when we would continue to climb and seemingly go in the opposite direction of the signal lights. But according to the GPS, we were right on track. We crested a saddle and there was a wilderness sign. It told us jack squat, just like the rest of the signs we encountered. The original sign at the beginning of that trail we were on indicated a mile to the car park. That turned out to be wildly inaccurate. The GPS was spot-on as it turned out. From here we followed an old road down to the old Prison Camp area where there were a number of tents pitched. Apparently some trail crews were camped out to work on the dreadful trails out there. They have a lot of work ahead of them. They told us that Deb and her crew had been by and told them about us and had hitched a ride up to where Deb’s Xterra was parked. When we piled in my Altima, we drove out and there was Deb and company coming down the road. We all hooked up again and everyone had a different story.

Kathy had gotten separated from the others and ended up losing Deb after the switchbacks, down by the stream. She got off trail (not intentionally) and scrambled up a hill to get a better view to look for anyone. She then returned to the stream and couldn’t see any of us coming over the hill. She figured we must have gotten ahead of her. So she just followed the water for a while, crisscrossing it a few times and following footprints. When she came to a waterfall and/or dam, she knew she was lost. She told us she had to scramble up the hill on all fours and that hiking method would become her primary means of crossing as the steep cliffs continued! There she caught a glimpse of car lights coming down the hill to the left.

For the next few hours Kathy headed that way. Because it was dark, she had no way of knowing the best way to traverse. Fatigue caused her to stop frequently, and this is a normally strong hiker. She ended up going up and down two big hills and on the last ascent she caught sight the car lights and flashlights. Kathy yelled and they responded, but there was still quite a ways to go and she had to keep stopping. Steve shone his light on her and then came out to meet her. He then directed her back and went on a search for us, though we never saw him. Who knows where we all were at that point? Kathy was quite surprised that it was only the three of them at the top. She had assumed that everyone was out by then. Mike met her near the top and got her safely back to the car at 10:30pm where she did nothing but sit and drink water and coke for the next hour. That was amazing. Had I been separated from the others with no lights nor knowledge of where the trail was I would have cowered into a space and cried like a little girl till morning.

Deb and Mike had bushwhacked up to the road and flagged down a Good Samaritan and got a ride up to the trailhead. They had called 911 for us but then called it off as we were delivered.

Nunya, the Daves, Bruce and I stopped for food and coffee at the Village Inn, and then headed for home. I got to bed by 5:30 in the morning.

From Nunya (Nunya’s) Experience:

The Hike of Insanity…. you hear about them, you wonder if it will ever happen to you… wonder no more. The Catalina Mountains – Sabino Canyon, Tucson – we were told at the Ranger Station that the trail we had planned had been rendered impassible by the prior weeks flash flooding, rock slides and avalanches, but that there was an alternate route we could take. They were wrong.

To say the routes in the area were impassible is not totally accurate, but to say the area/trails/routes were obliterated – yes. What the 10 of us hiked into was beyond comprehension, and it made my prior weekend Class 3 & 4 rock scramble seem like a walk in the park. The intensity and duration after one point became so bad, that photo taking was abandoned for survival.

I was also conditioning for an upcoming backpacking trip, and had a loaded backpack of basic camping essentials (35+lbs which later felt like 70) – both a curse and a blessing because 6 of us made use of the contents, and having it certainly zeroed out my stress in considering our options. Handling that backpack down and up the treacherously precarious embankments of loose rock and terrain in Marine Boot Camp/Navy Seal fashion (and without being sore the next day), removed all shadow of doubt that was I conditioned ‘just fine’ for anything!!

Exhaustion and fatigue were the first issues to deal with within the group, followed closely by running out of water. Since my water pump still needed REI repair, we had to put our fears aside and drink the rapidly flowing creek water untreated – hopefully without side affects. The options were death now or diarrhea later – we drank the water.

With the aid of a GPS, we bushwhacked following no visual trail, but some precariously set carins – eyeing a trail in the distance that we knew would lead back to the vehicles. Once reaching that oasis trail point, we quickly found our danger had in no way been alleviated. Multiple creek crossings with the extensive flood damage and avalanches had successfully destroyed normal means of locating what was left of the trail. Four of the stronger hikers had went ahead to bring back fresh water, only to face the same fate as the 6 of us left behind – being in the canyon in the dark, with no trail to follow and steep treacherous terrain to scale. Everyone felt emphasis on the danger and drama as calmly and quietly as could be done considering the circumstances. Dangers of rattlesnakes, mountain lion type animals, bears and other biting things paled in comparison to the terrain we faced.

It is my understanding that one hiker (Kathy B) also became separated from the leading 4, and managed to find the trail in the dark and essentially alone, and exit the canyon around 10:30pm. This can only be attributed to an act of God assisting her. Even with the 6 of us eventually locating the trail with the aid of my headlight and a GPS – knowing how to follow it in the dark with all the damage and no GPS was a miracle she should be highly commended upon. The other lead 3 it is my understanding, went through the creek canyon floor and scaled the cliff in the dark (with one headlamp) to the road – an option we 6 had to abandon for safety reasons.

Teamwork between the remaining 6 was amazing, everyone doing some little part to make it as easy as possible. The camaraderie, the courage, and no one gave up – it was truly an experience we hope to never be faced with again, but will laugh over sushi later this week on how we fit 4 exhausted hikers in a 2 person tent.

From Steve’s Experience:

Since we all had the same basic experiences until we arrived at the creek, I will start my version from this point and bring it forward.

As Willy, David, and I traversed the final descent, which led up to the creek, I heard the Siren’s Song beckoning me into her arms. She proclaimed that she lacked all modesty, and was naked and waiting impatiently for me. God, I am such a sap. I sprinted down the final terrain only to find a fully dressed, back pack carrying, mortal laughing at me and swearing that she HAD been naked (beneath her clothes). Arriving at the creek at approximately 1700 hours, I removed my footwear and submerged my fat little body into the water in order to cool off. When the group resumed hiking, I decided to move ahead to the front of the parade. Therefore, I sped up my pace to a more comfortable rate, and met up with Deb and Mike (henceforth known as DaM). After we met up with Kathy, I decided to forge ahead at an even more comfortable pace, since I was confident that I could make it out safely before sunset, and therefore be able to contact someone and let them know that there was a group of hikers still in the area. After leaving DaM and Kathy, I had a couple of interesting experiences, including taking a ride in a landslide area. This occurred when I attempted to run across an area that had suffered severe erosion, and whatever I landed on took off down hill with me on it. I turned to face the direction of travel, saw what appeared to be a safe area to exit the ride, and hopped off when I reached it. After this, I arrived at the intersection of Bear Trail [?], Sycamore [?] Reservoir, and East Fork Trails. Since I wasn’t sure which way to go, I ran down Bear Trail for a ways, turned around and ran down Sycamore Reservoir, then came back and ran up the highest summit in the area, which was back down Bear Trail. I did this in order to try to get telephone reception, hoping to contact a fellow Sierra Clubber in order to get directions and let someone know about the situation. At this time my phone completely locked up, and I couldn’t even turn it off. Since I didn’t want others to follow the markers that I had left behind, and hoping to get directions from the next group that came along, I ran back to the trail marker just as DaM arrived. After consulting with them, I followed Deb’s wise advice, and followed Sycamore Reservoir trail out. She pointed out that, just as I had observed when we pulled into the Prisoner Camp parking area, this trail seemed to lead to a riparian area.

As I reached the riverbed flats, I decided that the only reasonable route to take was to the right, since we had parked at a low area, which was most decidedly a riparian area, and then immediately started an uphill climb in the vehicle as we headed up to the trailhead. Since the area where the road traffic had appeared similar to the uphill area from Prison Camp, and the area on the other side of the hill appeared to most likely be the riparian area, I stayed in the creek bed until I arrived at what appeared to have been a dam. From here I backtracked far enough to get away from the swiftly flowing feed waters, and then crossed over the creek. From here I followed a very old footpath until I encountered a VERY old iron sign that proclaimed that the parking lot was only one mile away. With a high degree of elation, I headed in the direction that the sign had pointed me. After about a mile I arrived at an area, which probably served as a parking lot when I was still wearing diapers. The only sign here was one announcing the area as part of the Arizona Trail. So I ran. At one point I encountered a hissing speed bump of the reptilian sort who was coiled up in the middle of a single-track footpath. Landing my right foot within inches of his (or her) smiling face, I performed a pirouette in the path and called the bastard every name in the book but a white snake. Eventually I arrived in another creek bed where I found horse prints, and I followed this. And I ran some more. Several miles later I entered Prisoner’s Camp, which had been severely damaged from the floods. At 1900 hours I encountered a wonderful group of friends who perform trail maintenance. Having just run out of water, they re-hydrated me, listened to my (our) woes, then loaned me a whistle. I ran to the top of the nearest mountain, and then blew (suck is just an expression) for several minutes. I continued until right at sundown, and then went back to their camp. Seems that the universe was working in our favor, since they were not scheduled to camp there, but their van had broken down right before they got to the Prisoner’s Camp parking area. After further re-hydrating me, they then proceeded to feed me a wonderful dinner of rice and chicken with peanut butter sauce. As the group leader said, “Hard work is the best seasoning for food” (Edward Abbey). After a couple of beers and a slice of chocolate cheesecake (not really), we did dishes using a system wherein there are four dishpans; one for pre-clean, one for soap, one for rinsing, and one for sterilizing. Four people line up and start washing dishes, then the next in line says move (or something like that), and everyone moves down a place and lets someone else enter the line. By 2030 hours we had finished doing dishes, someone gave me a rain poncho, which replaced the one I gave away on Mt. Humphreys’ last Sunday, and I was just getting ready to thumb my way up the mountain to get Deb’s Xterra, when headlights appeared in the parking lot. When I heard DaM’s voice, I was thrilled. Two of my newfound friends went out to greet them, and upon my arrival, we left with the good Dr. and his wife (the kind couple that picked up DaM from the side of the road. (Deb, road walking is okay, but DON’T start street walking, okay). We got the Xterra, stopped at some crazy lady’s cabin, tried to use a broken phone, saw the lights of hundreds of stranded hikers, then finally arrived at mile marker 8, which was where DaM, had entered the road. We were really excited at this point since we had seen a single headlamp down in this area, and had heard a verbal response when we called out. Moving down to a slightly lower area, which held promise for an easier egress route, I headed into the valley with the aid of a 4D Maglite, which the good Doctor had loaned us. It was especially fortuitous that this area provided us with a slightly flowing, gently sloping creek bed in which to travel. After going down into the valley, I heard a single voice, and since it wasn’t a voice that I normally hear in my head, I felt fairly confident that it was one of our party. I told her (Kathy) to not move, and just call me in. When we finally connected, she was visibly shaken and exhausted, but she still refused to give up. I located the creek bed, sent her up it, and then proceeded down into the valley to locate the individual that was wearing the headlamp, since Kathy reassured me that she was not in possession of any type of lighting. How she made it that far without lighting is beyond me. What an awesome individual, and an inspiration to me. Leaving Kathy, who I knew was capable of taking care of herself, I delved deeper into, and eventually crossed, the valley while holding the Maglite over my head in order to illuminate the trail well enough to run. Coming back, I stopped about halfway up, and shined my light down into the valley. It was at this time that I saw a set of eyes down by the lowest part of the stream. I yelled out to not move, and I headed back into the valley. As I approached, I lost contact with the eyes. But when I arrived at the approximate location where they had been, I found some really big cat prints. At this point I headed back up to the car, since I figured if there were any hikers down here now, their bones would eventually be located. On the way up, I did panic for about ten seconds when I could not tell which mountain was which. Talking myself down, I left the creek bed that I had decided was my best route out, and I gained a little elevation. When I saw that the scar in the mountain, which was a result of the two-lane road, which had been built into it, was where I had thought it should be, I resumed my ascent out of the area. After deciding that the headlamp we had seen was either a phantasm, or more likely one of our group, we headed back down to Prisoner’s Camp, where I ran out onto a high area in order to try to guide the group in with a flashlight. Finally, we gave up, and called 911. We had decided that the light was possibly part, or all, of our group and they had decided to use GPS, which gives distances usable to crows, to lead them to their destination. As we were leaving the area and heading down to leave a note on the vehicle parked at Prisoner’s Camp, we noticed the same vehicle leaving the parking area.

The end.

And they lived happily ever after.

Oh yeah. Then there was the guy at Circle K that gave me a large cup of coffee. What a great day. Life is good. Friends are better. Adventures rock. Deb, take those rocks out of your backpack, you sicko, rockaholic.

Lessons learned:

Learn the trail names that you are going to be using.

Only travel as the crow flies if you have wings.

Look at the maps, but read the landscape.

Rock cairns are technology also, and therefore are no substitute for experience.

A Week in Bonaire, or, How Charles Survived.

I am notorious for taking random trips to places like San Carlos, Mexico, Grand Cayman and Bonaire. These are the benefits of making good money and having absolutely no responsibilities. What can I say. It’s all fun and games till the money runs out, believe me. I manage to pay for these trips with extra earned money from contract work or what are called “Adventure Bucks” earned from hosting events with my former singles club in Phoenix, a club that boasts of adventure and was founded in the year 2000. Recent changes have occurred within the club and yours truly, The ScubaJedi, was unceremoniously voted off the island by the current manager, who is a complete tool. Hereinafter referred to as The Tool. The Tool told me that he wanted longer term members out of the club, so he was terminating memberships of those long term loyal members as they were dragging the club down with their negativity regarding the club. Makes sense, huh? People rejoining the club and paying the high membership fees because they’re not having any fun and they hate it. Turned out it was me and one other woman singled out and booted out compliments of The Tool. He’s basically a liar and a bad person. Those are outstanding traits for the head of a social club, right? Oh well, maybe he’ll come down with amoebic dysentery or something really appropriate like that . Moving right along….

Anyway we had a trip to Bonaire for, as you may have guessed, SCUBA. We were going in conjunction with a sister singles group, Tucson Fun and Adventures. There were 8 of us from the Phoenix going and several (lost count) from Tucson. Three of us from Phoenix were fairly experienced divers and three were beginners. Two of them were first time divers save their certification trips. One guy, Charles, who will be mentioned many times in this blog entry, got his scuba certification just for this trip. He signed up for it not knowing it was a scuba trip. When he found out it was primarily for divers, he said, “Well, I guess I’ll go get some scuba lessons.” I thought he was an exceptional sport about it, and he turned out to be a very good sport about a lot of things.

The plane arrived at 5am on Sunday morning. Too early to do anything except sit and whine about how muggy it was and slap various insects away from our bodies. I think most people lost about a quart of blood on this trip, and Charles even more than that. Eventually we checked in and anxiously awaited the breakfast cafe to open for some much anticipated coffee. The cafe at Buddy Dive is like everything else in Bonaire pretty much, open air with a nice view of the Leeward side of the island and Klein Bonaire. Betty, Sally, Lori and I decided to have some food and wait until we could get our keys to the room (apartment) we were to share with the two guys from our group, Charles and Kirk. It was a three bedroom condo, one small dungeon-like bedroom downstairs and two palatial grand en suite bedrooms upstairs. I foolishly envisioned the boys taking the downstairs room leaving us princesses to our girls privacy upstairs, ah, but that was not to be. Curse my metal body, I just wasn’t fast enough. I left the cafe to go see if the room was ready and get a key. Just as I was making my way back to the office, Kirk and Charles were headed to the condo, keys in hand. They rushed in and claimed the master suite with the private bathroom and balcony for themselves. I was pissed. In retrospect, I should have camped at the desk, snagged the key first and bolted like Flash Gordon to the condo and laid claim to one of the good rooms. So I, being shy and conservative as many will tell you, did not want to be with the boys upstairs so I threw myself on the sword and took the dungeon. Whomever wanted to share with me could, and as fate would have it, it was Lori, who considered herself screwed (and not in that fun spanky way) to be stuck downstairs as well.

I tried not to let it damage my calm, but I was already fit to be tied in having to share with strange (and I mean strange) men in the first place. The Tucson organizer of the trip was fairly presumptuous in thinking we’d be cool about sharing co-ed, I thought. I can’t speak for the others but I was not happy about it at all. But, I tried my hardest not to let it harsh my mellow. After all, I was in a world class diving destination. But, it did spoil my mood. I wanted it to be perfect with all the trouble I’ve been going through with work lately. But that’s another blog.
We got settled in and then went to get signed in at the dive shop and obtain our diving permits. The entire island of Bonaire is a marine park and they require diving permits. It costs $25 and they give you a little plastic disc to attach to your diving gear so they know they got your $25. There really aren’t any scuba police down there in the depths watching and writing tickets.
We had to attend an orientation regarding the care and awareness of the marine park, then we got a tour of the facilities and were sent on our way to do whatever we wanted, which in our case, was diving.

We checked our weights and went for a dive, and I ended up going to 114 feet to the bottom of the trench off the reef. It’s easy enough to do as wall type diving lends itself to just going deeper and deeper. I gaged 114ft and decided that was deep enough for the moment and headed back up. It’s pretty easy diving in Bonaire, the entire island is a protected reef and there is a lot of shore diving. When you come up the wall and get to the top of the reef you’re pretty much at your safety stop and can linger there for 3 minutes and look at the octopus. We found an octo living in a little bit of coral near the Buddy pier. When I first saw it it was surrounded by all these divers and I thought for sure they were going to get inked. At least I was hoping tosee a bunch of curious divers in a lively moment of confusion in a cloud of octopus ink. That would have been picture worthy.

And so the trip went. We dove, drank, ate, bitched, laughed, slept a little. Charles, was itching to go somewhere else besides Bonaire. He wanted to go to Venezuela really bad. He wanted to charter an airplane to take him and anyone else who wanted to to South America. Fortunately, he spoke to the dive shop manager, Augusto, who was from Venezuela and wouldn’t even go back there himself. He told Charles that he would most probably be dead before he left the airport. That changed his mind and so he began concentrating on Curacao or Aruba. He wanted to hit all the ABC islands.

Charles was the one who had to get the diving certificate before he came on the trip. He turned out to be a really good diver, and I hope he continues to dive.

On the first boat dive, I lost my tank. I am a slow motion diver and my dive buddy, along with everyone else, flew down the reef at a pretty good clip. I was pacing the dive master, Lala. Lala was from Brazil and was a tech diving instructor. I looked over at him and he was motioning for me to come to him. I though, crap, what’s the matter? I felt around behind me and my tank was gone. I was breathing just fine but the tank was floating up somewhere above my head. Lala corrected it for me and I told him I was half way down on air and would head back, but did not know where my dive buddy was. All of this was communicated in DiverSignSpeak. Don’t ask. I wanted to tell him not to touch the tank,as that is how I roll, but found the topic too complex for dive hand signs.

I got back on deck, Kirk and Charles were already there, and then the others were making it back. Lala came back on deck and gave everyone a lecture about the virtues of looking at your gauges once in a while when diving, it helps. I look at my gauges constantly. Or rather, my diving computer, as it tells me everything. Such a gossip.

We had two days of two tank boat dives and two days of one tank boat dives. The shore diving was spectacular and one day Lori, Betty, Sally and I decided to hop in the van and take a ride down the coast and do some shore diving. We decided on a site, The Hilma Hooker, which is a 300′ vessel scuttled in 1984. We dove and swam to the reef which dropped off to a sandy area and another reef across a deep channel of sand. I didn’t see any ship anywhere. But I did get to see a nice eagle ray glide past in the channel. So we paddled around for a while till the air ran out and came back to shore. Coming out of the surf, Lori remarked, “Wow, that was a great wreck”. When I went back to the shop and told Lala we couldn’t find the Hilma Hooker he thought I was retarded.
We went back another day and snorkeled out to the buoys and descended the lines to the wreck, so we ended up finding it after all.
The last day we went shore diving, Charles had rented a motorcycle and was tooling about the island. He came upon us at a dive site to stop and say hi and that he was having a great time. Later that day, he was in the hospital getting his face stitched up. Wrecked the motorcycle, cut himself up pretty bad and broke his foot. Only the day before he had a close call with a scorpion fish in a mangrove that took a shine to him. He had gone on a kayak snorkel outing and met with some mischief that day as well. Scorpion fish, in case you’re wondering, are poisonous.
Earlier in the week, Betty and Lori declared that they saw a shark. No one believed them as seeing a shark in Bonaire is about as likely as seeing a polar bear wandering the Superstition Mountains east of Phoenix. but they stuck to their story. Everyone else was pretty convinced that they say a tarpon, which is a large fish.
On our last dive together, Lori and I were cruising down the reef at Buddy Dive and there was a huge tarpon just hanging there. I looked at Lori and made the shark gesture, she looked at me and made the f*** you gesture. I laughed so hard I flooded my mask.

Later on we took a sunset sailboat cruise, which was really nice.

We took a day long surface interval before flying out and did some touring of the island. We pretty much stuck to the South Farthing as we were lost in the area the first day we tried to find the Hilma Hooker. There is a lot of garbage washed up on the beach around there and it’s kind of a shame that no one picks it up. There was an amazing amount of flip flops.

So that was Bonaire.

The ScubaJedi

Whale Riding in Rocky Point

So I had never been to rocky Point, Mexico. For someone living in Arizona, it’s almost a required duty to “go to the beach”, and that is the closest beach. Coming from Florida I had never really been that tempted to go to the beach again until I fell in love with SCUBA/Snorkeling. So a friend of mine and I decided we would go to Rocky Point as neither of us had ever been there. We gathered up two other women friends and made reservations at a swanky hotel on the beach and went.

I drove the Altima, my status symbol, and not only is it a comfy, attractive car, it also gets great gas mileage. Heidi, who I concocted the trip with, parked at my place and we went and picked up Amy and Betty, who live in the lower east portion of the Valley of the Sun and we headed out on a sunny, warm Friday evening.

We were busy yukking it up and generally being silly en route and right after we turned off of I-10 to start the southward journey to the border, Amy piped up and declared that she forgot her passport! In order for Americans to get back into their own country from Mexico these days, you need to show a passport. I think we would have been able to pull it off on the return trip as Amy is a tall, willowy blonde and could in no way be really mistaken for being Mexican, at least not in the stereotypical sense. But you never know if you get Lieutenant Neidermeier at the border who would detain us indefinitely until proof of Amy’s citizenship came forth. So we decided to err on the safe side and went back for the passport. After all, we were only 1 hour into the journey and that meant an hour dive back and another hour to get back to this point. 3 hours down the toilet, but hey, we were on vacation. The only real concern was getting to the border before midnight because after that, Mexico is closed for the evening.

But we made it and without incident.

I had made the hotel reservation and after taking the underside of my car out on a vicious speed bump in the hotel’s drive through guest offloading area, I went inside to check in. I had neglected to call my bank and inform them of my travel plans and I had just gotten back from a Caribbean vacation on Grand Cayman, now I’m trying to use the card in Mexico. To the bank, it looked shady and the card was declined. In a way I was happy that my bank was looking after me as well as covering their ass in avoiding refunding my money if some low life slime ticket had appropriated my debit card, but then I had, like, no money. So I went back out to the car and told the girls that we couldn’t check in with my card and so Heidi stepped up and put the room charges on her card and we would reimburse her. I would call my bank in the morning and straighten it out.

We went to our room which was really very nice. they are beginning to realize that the gringo money can be very handy and so luxury resorts are popping up all alone the coastline in Baja. There were two queen beds and a safe to lock up our passports. I brought a box ‘o Sangria and we partied for a couple of hours before hitting the hay.

The next morning was perfect. I was looking out at the quiet beach and all of a sudden a motor boat towing some sort of inflatable water sled came rushing up to the beach from the open ocean. I was perplexed as to what manner of watercraft that was and was later informed that it was a “banana boat”. They are towed behind motor boats as a thrill ride for tourists, or anyone with $5. This particular “banana boat” was shaped like a killer whale. It did not take long for vendors with tents, tables and various and sundry crap to sell turned up on the beach. Our own pool deck was off limits, thankfully, and it was nicely appointed with cabanas, lounge chairs, a swim up bar in one of the pools, everything a gringo could want.

We dressed and went down to breakfast at the hotel dining room buffet. Heidi and Betty took the first round and were gone for the better part of an hour fetching food. After a while Amy and I began to wonder what happened to them. Did they get caught in an unusually long line, or captured somehow by local white slave traders and are now somewhere in Morocco addicted to drugs? I got up and went to see. Waking up in Morocco addicted to drugs would be a welcome relief for me considering the stress I’ve been under from work lately, so I decided no matter what it was, it was all good. It turned out that the self-serve buffet offerings were strange Mexican items that were not a usual breakfast for Americans, and Heidi and Betty were not interested. There was an omelet line and that’s where they were. They were pretty much up next for their order so it wasn’t much longer. Amy and I opted for the weird food as we could eat it right then. I cannot tell you what I ate, but it wasn’t too bad.

After that we staked out a cabana and parked there for the day. Betty and I had the lofty adventurous idea of snorkeling off the beach and so we had our SCUBA fins, boots, masks and snorkels with us. We decided not to enter off the beach where it had become very crowded with vendors, suckers for the vendors, food wagons, Mangoes on a stick, people renting jet skis and of course, the banana boat operators. We walked down the side of the hotel for a while along a wall that provided a barrier to the pool deck and the ocean. We scrambled down the rocks, suited up and splashed.

Absolutely nothing to see.

I don’t know what I was thinking, there is no reef there. It’s just sandy bottom all the way out to Baja California. I mean, this was the Sea of Cortez. I have scuba dived it many times, there is cool stuff down there. I’ve not seen but heard stories of whale sharks, and hammerheads, giant Humboldt squid that will kill and eat anything, including fishermen and scuba divers. I have a friend who caught one once and said it was like reeling in a parachute. But I wasn’t really expecting the Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau, just maybe a couple of colorful fish, maybe a little ray. But not only could I not see anything, but I could not see anything! I saw Betty. She saw me. I was taking a new mask out for its maiden swim and thought it was completely fogged, but it wasn’t. There was just so much silt kicked up from the goings-on from the beach, that there was total absence of anything to look at save sandy water and my snorkel buddy.

We paddled around out there for a while as it was relaxing to get away from the riff-raff nearer the shore, then we went to shore, carrying our fins with our masks around our necks and me in a shorty wet suit. We looked like weird diver people emerging from the deep. Creatures from the Sandy Lagoon. We went back to the cabana and enjoyed the scenery for a while. Amy, in a moment of giddiness, thought she was going to be able to take a nap in the cabana. Almost as soon as we got to the cabana, the music started. I’m not talking about soothing poolside cool jazz with a humming light saxophone and relaxing xylophone melodies, but loud, and I mean really loud, Mexican music. That coupled with the hoards of screaming kids in the pool made for not the most restful environment.

Heidi and I decided we would take a banana boat ride. Betty had done this before and her advice was “To just hang on”. I thought, how hard could that be? So we each took $5 with us and went to the beach. By now there were two banana boat operators (hereinafter to be referred to as whale boat drivers as the sleds were colored and shaped like killer whales). We waited by the spot where one of the operator docked and there seemed to be a lot of kids awaiting a ride. We looked around and saw the other one coming to shore and rather than wait, we went over to that one. The guy who was taking the money looked a few pence short of a quid, missing many teeth and completely devoid of an understanding of English other than to say “Five” and “Want to ride Shamu?” Pronounced “Chamu”. Of course we want to ride Shamu, who wouldn’t?

I found out I wouldn’t after the ride, but I am getting ahead of my story.

We hopped on the whale boat and waited for about 10 minutes for them to find more passengers. They managed to get a young couple and they sat in front of us on the sled. Then before you knew it we were off. I began screaming my lungs out right away. For some reason I was petrified. He went so fast and I felt so helpless and it frightened me beyond words. I don’t really know why. I have dived to 120′ in barracuda infested waters, been hopelessly lost in the wilderness and had to drink untreated creek water, been to Peru. You would think this would be nothing. But I was in absolute sheer terror. The ride went on for what seemed like hours. He flung us around a point and down by the area where we would be dining that night, then circled around to come back. Hanging on wasn’t as easy as it sounded. At one point the girl in front of me fell into the middle and he stopped to let her get situated again. I was hyperventilating and shaking uncontrollably. Heidi then realized my screams were in sheer terror and not in fun. We got back to the shore and I couldn’t get off that thing fast enough.

I walked back to the cabana and announced to the others that I just crapped my pants. For some reason they all thought this was funny. I guess the idea of being unceremoniously flung out into the open ocean is appealing to them. Whatever, I was never going to do that again. Fuck.

Betty and I decided it was toddy time and we went to the swim up bar for some libation. As fate would have it there was a drunk American there, surprise surprise, and his level of inebriation was off the charts. He offered to buy our drinks, we refused. Then Amy came by and he fell in love with her. He then produced a wad of folding money from his pocket and flung it into the pool. I grabbed one of the 5’s and handed it to the bartender , motioned to the drunk guy and said, “Que pendejo”. The bartender got a kick out of that. This gringa can swear in Spanish.

After a while, drunk man was escorted out of there after refusing to pay his bar tab. He tried to charge it to his room, but I don’t think he actually had a room at that hotel. Some others joined us in the swim up bar and they found a $10 floating around. Drunk man could have paid his tab if he hadn’t tossed all his money into the pool.

We asked the barman where a good place to go have dinner was and he told us about a restaurant in the seafood district or somewhere “downtown” called La Palapa. I think that mean umbrella. He told us to look for a huge palapa atop the building. So we took a cab and told him we wanted to go to La Palapa.

When we got out of the cab at La Palapa, there was what we thought was the Maitre ‘D waiting outside with a menu. He was dressed nicely in a clean Aloha shirt and he asked if we were dining with them this evening. We said yes and he escorted us to a table. Then he sat down with us. We still thought he was a host of some sort so we yukked it up and made jokes up until he asked us to buy him a drink. We all sort of looked at each other with a “What the F***” expression and it occurred to us them that he was a local scamster looking for freebies. So we caved and bought him a drink. He originally asked for a beer and when it came to him ordering he took a rum and coke. Then he sat there for the longest time trying to talk Betty into going to the disco with him that night, I’m sure all on her dime. After a while everyone was looking down at the table and I was giving Taco Head my best “Get lost, Friendo” look. Finally he got it and left. He later ordered a meal and asked the waiter to ask us if he could put it on our tab. I think all at once we said “No!”.

We looked around in the shops after that at all the vulgar t-shirts, cheap jewelry, and general crap you would find ultimately in a garage sale. We wandered over to a huge statue they have in the town square called El Camaronero. It’s a man riding atop a huge shrimp. So, we took it that Camaronero meant “Shrimp Rider”, like a Caballero is a horseman. Some weeks later upon speaking with a Latin American friend, I was informed that a Camaronero is a guy who catches shrimp. Like a Shrimperman. That blew it. I liked the idea of Shrimp Rider much better, because it was so completely preposterous it was hilarious.

After an hour or so of browsing the market and being duly offended by the vulgar t shirts we decided it was time to go back to the hotel. Then came the task of finding a cab to get us back there. We wandered for a while until we found a corner where a lot of taxis drove by and we flagged one down.

The next day we had a decent breakfast and a look around locally by the hotel, then headed back stateside.

The WhaleRider (aka The ScubaJedi)

July 4 Camping Weekend 2008

I am a member of a local singles activity group. We do a lot of things involving drinking, dining, dancing but every now and then we have a real adventure such as a hike or a camping trip. This past weekend was a camping trip.
It started out as a trip up north to Payson, or so we thought. Mis-communication caused the organizers to think it was going to be in a forested area in the Payson, Arizona area but it turned out to be a four to five hour trip farther north than Payson getting into the treeless tundra area of Arizona. Anything is usually a relief from the Phoenix or Tucson area as the temperatures are sweltering this time of year and camping in extreme heat is just plain stupid.
So the plans were changed to an area south of Tucson, and we were to team up with a singles group in Tucson. I was asked to help co-lead the trip and even though I was looking forward to just kicking back and letting someone else do the work, I agreed since the northern excursion was canceled.
So I organized things as best I could for the Phoenix group. There were 7 signed up and they all actually showed up which is a miracle. So many times people wake up in the morning and change their minds and just blow off the activity, but this one was pre-paid, so the odds of people showing up are better.
I had everyone meet up at the Arizona Mills Mall parking lot in front of the Rainforest Cafe, since it is an obvious landmark. They have it decorated in a loud tacky way and I figure people can’t miss it, but somehow they do. They think that they are supposed to meet for carpooling inside the mall at the cafe (which is never open at the hours we meet) or they can’t find the location at all. I am amazed that some of these people can function in everyday life being so directionally challenged and unable to reason things out that I find to be perfect common sense. It’s exhausting.
We carpooled up and I rode with one of the newer members who turned out to be really nice. She didn’t have too much in the line of camping gear and so it made it easy to pack the Altima. I had no idea where we were going, but to meet the Tucson group at t a Fry’s in Tucson. I am not all that familiar with Tucson so we went all the way through town to the meet up place, and still one carload in my caravan ended up getting lost.
So we met with the Tucson group and headed out. The campsite was dispersed camping which meant no toilets. This presented cause for concern with many people on the trip. They would drive into town to use the facilities. I am not kidding, taking an hour trip into civilization to pop a squat. Admittedly, using the bushes isn’t my favorite thing, but I would rather bite the bullet and hang around camp than make a day trip to have a pee. The area we were camping in was pretty sparse of good trees and shrubs and it was a challenge to find some privacy.
The way out there was marked with chartreuse signs, the second of which I missed as I was trying to avoid the major ruts in the road with my low clearance car. I ended up leading two other cars to Kentucky Camp, which is what was mentioned in all the writings about our camping weekend. I ended up getting a call from one of the other campers saying we were way off track and guided us back. By the time we got there most of the great places to pitch a tent were gone and so I went a little bit up a hillside and found a fairly flat spot and started pitching camp. I am so generous and constantly worried that everyone else is content that I forget about myself. One other guy was looking for a spot to pitch his tent and I offered up part of my area. It was under a tree and there were scant places under trees in the much coveted shade. So I said, “Hey! I can scooch over a bit and you can pitch your tent right next to mine”. Then I stop to think, what am I saying? I don’t know this guy. For all I know he could spend the night snoring and farting and I’ll never get any sleep. There isn’t much sound insulation with a paper thin layer of nylon. So at 3 am when I was waking up to the sound of snoring and farting from the next tent, I really regretted being so nice.
Waking up at 3am really surprised me as on Friday night when most of the others went in to Sonoita to watch fireworks, I stayed behind to get plastered on vodka with the boys.
The next day we had two big things planned and that was to go to the ghost town of Kentucky Camp, which is really a derelict mining operation not so much a town, and ot go to the lake in Patagonia. We went to Kentucky Camp first, which was a 5 mile drive from where we were camping. You have to park at the top of the hill and hike 1/4 mile in and you see the old buildings that are being renovated and some that are not so renovated. There was an outhouse much to the delight of just about everyone, myself included. We sat on the veranda of one of the buildings and told stories and generally yukked it up for a while before heading back for lunch. There was a bed and breakfast down there as well, but I can’t imagine why anyone would want to drive out there to stay.
We had lunch then all decided to head off to Lake Patagonia. It’s an artificial lake, as usual in Arizona, and there was a little beach. Some of us went in swimming, and I can never resist the water, so I was the first one in. We explored the area for a couple of hours, then headed back for yet another meal. It was our last night camping out and of course, snoring and farting were in abundance from the next tent over. My carpool companion said it best when she said the guy didn’t have much to say, but his body sure did.
I was still up by 5:30 in the morning to the sounds of yet another camper packing it in to head out as soon as possible. I had to use another table to make coffee on, and it was a plastic table. I didn’t even think about it and I ended up warping it out with the heat from my stove. that was my bird-brained move of the day. Overall, I had a great time, it was sure a nice relaxing respite from the hell that is work for me lately. Beautiful serene scenery, friendly fun campers, and three days away. The cats were sure glad to see me though.
Until next time, the end.